I Just Need You to Know…
by Sandylee007
Summary: After Ianto's death Jack finds something that both breaks his heart and gives him comfort. It's bittersweet to get the chance to say goodbye. SLASH JANTO SPOILERS CHARACTER DEATH ONESHOT


A/N: I was SUPPOSED TO type something else entirely when this story idea jumped on me. So here I am. Before getting to it, though…!

DISCLAIMER: I definitely don't own anything about the series! If I did there's no way Ianto would've died. (growls) And I don't own that picture, either. The one who created it is incredibly gifted!

WARNINGS: SLASH, some language, need for tissues…? Uh, anyone out there…?

Awkay, because this is always the nerve wrecking part… Let's go! I really hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

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><p><strong><em>I Just Need You to Know…<em>**

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><p>The time after having Ianto Jones dying in his arms was mostly a blur to Jack Harkness. There was too much devastation. Too many losses in such a short amount of time, even for someone as used to losses as him. Too much heartbreak.<p>

Jack honestly wasn't sure how long, exactly, had passed from those pitch black days. On one incredibly late evening he stood on the rooftop of some big hotel the name of which he didn't even bother to memorize, letting pouring rain wash over him. That was when he finally reached far enough into the pockets of his trademark coat to discover something that wasn't supposed to be there. Something solid and made of plastic. He frowned and fished out the item.

It was a flash drive.

Jack inspected the item a bit more closely. All of a sudden something inside him shuddered painfully as his eyes spotted words that'd been written in Ianto's familiar handwriting. '_Please watch. I'm sorry._'

In full honesty Jack wasn't fully sure if he wanted to know. But he preferred thinking that he wasn't a coward and so he made his way back inside, to his laptop. He pretended not to notice the way his hand shook when he inserted the flash drive.

Jack's heart stilled, nearly burst, swell and shattered all at once when Ianto's face appeared to the screen. A small, unidentifiable sound erupted through his throat. "Oh no…!"

From the screen Ianto looked at him with incredibly sad eyes. "_I recorded this because… As sorry as I am that you have to see this, listen to this, I know that one day you'll have to. Every single day, every ticking second, takes me a little bit further from you and… There are things that I need to say now, while I still can. __So… I asked Gwen to make sure that you'd get this, if…_" The rest fell away and somehow the words in the silence symbolized perfectly just how cruel and unfair the life of Torchwood could be. The young man smiled a bit awkwardly. "_I'm… __Honestly, I have no idea how to start. This whole idea is starting to feel foolish._" The man sighed. "_At the moment you're sleeping nearby and I know how light your sleep is. At least when there's no one beside you. So… So I'll just get to it, yeah?_"

Jack was shaking. Really, honestly shaking. There was a incredibly painful searing sensation in his eyes and it took all his willpower not to surrender to it. "Damnit, Ianto…!" In some other situation it might've stunned him how small, hoarse and broken his voice sounded.

He was _not_ going to listen to this…!

He was already reaching out to cut the recording when Ianto spoke. "_Jack, please don't!_" The sheer despair in the Welshman's voice was more than enough to halt his action. To basically still his heart. Ianto's eyes shimmered but no tears spilled. "_I… __I know, Jack. I know. This is horrible, and unfair. But… Please, let me? Please?_" _Let me say goodbye._

There was very little Jack had been able to deny Ianto, especially since their relationship became more serious. So he let his hand fall helplessly and listened. Allowed the words to come smash whatever little there was left of his heart.

Ianto gritted his teeth hard and took a deep breath before continuing. "_I don't know if you were there when I died. I really hope that you weren't. I'd never want to put you through something like that. But… If you were… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. And… I hope that I at least managed to say something smart, before I left. Something brave. That I made those moments count._" The Welshman sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "_I… talked to you more than I ever talked to anyone. Told you so much that it's embarrassing. But… I still left out a lot of important things. There was always a lot that I didn't have the words for. I… guess that I told myself that I was waiting for the right time._" The younger man wrinkled his nose in a manner that Jack instantly deemed absolutely adorable. "_Incredibly stupid, considering how few working for Torchwood live long enough to earn pension._" Ianto gulped, looking down for a moment before peering right at him once more. "_I… wasn't always honest with you. About my father. About Lisa. But… I wasn't dishonest about how I felt for you. I just… I wish that I told you how much you mean to me. Before it was too late._"

Jack emitted a choking sound, only then becoming aware of how blocked his throat was becoming while his eyes blurred. The pain… It was almost as bad as when…

"_You're a good man, Jack, although you don't always believe it. At times incredibly infuriating, but good._" Ianto actually grinned, there. "_I did always love your coat, by the way. Tremendously. I was honest about that, too. You sure know how to make it look good._"

Jack just had to chuckle, only a little bit but still.

All of a sudden Ianto seemed very, very serious again. For a moment the Welshman's eyes grew misty but he fought it back stubbornly. "_And Jack? Before I go… There's something important that I need you to get into that thick skull of yours. Because I know how stubborn you can be._" Ianto leaned forward and Jack found himself doing the same, salivating every single one of those remaining words. "_Wherever I may or may not be by the time you see this… I will never, ever regret the time that I had with you. Yes, at times I felt ready to swing at you or to actually murder you. But I'll never regret any of it. Because even though you drive me mad you're also the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'm grateful for every single day that I had and will have with you, no matter how few they may be._" A sad trace of a smile was there, but only for a fleeting moment. "_And don't you dare regret, either. __I… __I wish that you'll remember me, especially the good. You're unhealthily good at remembering the bad._" The younger man's lower lip trembled for a couple of seconds. "_Please, let yourself be happy for change. I want to picture you smiling for real, for once. That's the last thing I'm asking of you._"

Jack just couldn't hold back the tears any longer as the grativity of the situation struck through him. He stared into Ianto's eyes, at the the younger man's face. And finally, finally, it sunk in with a force no knife, bullet or bomb could match.

This… really was a goodbye.

Ianto's hand was already reaching out to cut the recording until a one more thing seemed to pop into the younger man's head. "_Oh, and Jack? When it's the darkest… Remember that nothing in this world lasts forever. And when the time comes… I swear, if there's anything at all on that side I'll be right there waiting for you. I'm expecting you to have a long, amazing adventure to report when I see you again._" A one more smile was given to him, even if it was through the single tear rolling down Ianto's cheek. "_I love you, Jack. I hope that I had enough guts to tell that to your face before…_" The Welshman cleared his throat and wiped away the strayed tear, then did his best imitation of Jack's famous salute. "_Jones, Ianto Jones, signing out._" With that the recording was over.

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><p> _Ending the recording, Ianto felt out of breath and so utterly drained that it made his entire body tremble. He reached out a unsteady hand and wiped his eyes, working his hardest to control the sobs that were struggling to break free. He'd finally said everything he'd wanted to say. And that… would just have to be enough. No matter how unfair it was._

_Ianto got up although he wasn't entirely sure if his legs were up for the task and made his way remarkably quietly to where Jack was still sleeping where he left the man. Apparently his escape hadn't been detected yet. The captain was still slumbering peacefully with a small smile on his face, curled so that if Ianto had been in the bed he would've fit into the man's arms perfectly._

_Ianto stood there for a while, simply watching. A hurricane of emotions washed through him and he wrapped his arms around himself. It was simultaneously the best and the most horrible experience of his life._

_How in the world was he supposed to leave this man one day?_

_Unable to hold himself back Ianto took a huge risk of rousing Jack and made his way to the American. Slowly and gently he pressed his lips against the immortal man's cheek. Instantly Jack hummed appreciatively and leaned closer, even in his sleep. The gesture filled Ianto with so many emotions that he wasn't ready to process that he recoiled with a gasp._

Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry…!

_Ianto wasn't entirely sure what he did during the time in between. But when he slumped in front of the computer once more he felt exhausted and his eyes didn't feel right. There, allowing a hint of darkness to seep into his heart despite the fact that Jack was safe and asleep nearby, he stared at the by then black screen. As though trying to see through time and space._

_Until all of a sudden he could've sworn that he felt a warm, familiar hand's caress. The experience was incredibly vivid, unexplainable. Usually Ianto wasn't a fan of the unexplainable._

_But there, on that long and dark night, Ianto found himself emitting a brief chuckle through his tears._ /

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><p>As Jack sat there, almost convinced that he'd never be able to get back up again, a sudden overwhelming feel came over him. Despite a very large part of him ridiculing him over such an action he outstretched a hand and brushed the laptop's screen. At the exact spot where Ianto's hand was frozen at the end of the recording. And for a moment he could've sworn that he felt the Welshman right there with him.<p>

A brief, strained chuckle left him, bubbling through the tears that were suddenly running down his face.

There, despite being separated by time, space and death itself, Jack and Ianto held hands for what was most definitely the last time. At least for now. Giving each other their final, silent pledges. The most important ones.

'_Wherever you are I'll find you, I promise._'

'_I'll be right here waiting._'

'_I love you._'

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><p><strong>End.<strong>

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><p>AN: That… was quite sad indeed! But at least there was a hint of hope in the end, I suppose. (sniffs) Sooo… Thoughts? Comments? PLEASE, do let me know!  
>Thank you so much for reading! And who knows, maybe I'll be seeing you again one day?<p>

Take care!


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